Friday, June 01, 2007

President Leghorn

I don’t think Fred Thompson is ever going to be President of the United States. Not with a wife who looks like that (below - and check out here, too). It’s not just her seeming hotness per se, but their age difference. Here’s Thompson – some saggy old man – lolling around with some fluffy, starry-eyed blonde who looks young enough to be his grand-daughter. Ewww! It’s kind of creepy. He should be married to some dreary, old bag, not some zestful little breastful (as S.J. Perelman once put it). It just ain’t right. I don’t think America is ready yet for a Tobacco Road kind of President.

If I was advising Thompson I would tell him that the only way to overcome this creep-out factor would be to go so overboard with weird that he’ll just look like a charming eccentric rather than a horny, old, Southern goat with a thing for girls half(?) his age. He needs to play this totally over the top, become hardcore "southern gothic." Go around dressed in a white suit, wearing a panama hat and having everyone call him “Big Daddy.” Sit on porches and drink mint juleps. The whole Burl Ives thing.

And who knows? It might even catch on. Maybe America does want “Night of the Iguana” for President. I can see it now. Thompson could select Zell Miller as his running mate and they could tour the country with Fred doing his Foghorn Leghorn act and Zell going around challenging people to duels. And Mrs. Thompson can be part of it, too. She could be on the campaign poster, her busty figure squeezed into a skimpy Daisy Mae outfit. And under that, the campaign slogan: “More than the South will rise again!”

Heck, I reckon it just might work.

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